Ice Skating

Lest you think, from the title, that I broke my vow of last year to “never skate again”, let me reiterate that the vow still stands. My family, however, didn’t get the memo. We went to an ice skating party with our 4-H club last night and the kids LOVED it. I stood on the sidelines, feet firmly planted on solid shoes, and held all the purses.

The whole thing is just so dangerous – skating. I mean, people get seriously hurt doing this crazy business but everyone treats it as if they’re just going to the movies. I had a prime vantage point and was able to witness all of the falls that took place on the ice. It would be mean if I laughed at the people who fell, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I did try to make sure that they weren’t seriously injured before I openly mocked them though so that should count for something.

Watching an ice skater, especially a novice skater, fall is like watching a cartoon character slip on a banana peel. The first thing that happens is their arms shoot straight into the air, then the feet start to flail back and forth like they’re running in place, then the arms start to flail, then they’re down. Unless they happen to be near a wall which looks even worse. They start to fall, grab for the wall, bang into it, have a moment of hope, then fall completely to the ice.

Then there are the falls that involve more than one skater. Those are really awful. I witnessed my niece take down about 5 people when she fell. There’s just no warning. One minute you’re kind of stumbling along thinking that you may have finally gotten the hang of this crazy sport and the next minute you can feel the ice seeping through your pants while you stare at the ceiling.

At least with roller skating you’ve got a fighting chance. To begin with, you’ve got FOUR WHEELS underneath your foot instead of one skinny, sharp blade. Seems safer right off the bat, don’t you think? I don’t really roller skate either because that is also harder than it looks. Plus, I just don’t have enough vacation time saved up to be in traction.

This is not all to say that I’m not sporty, except I guess I’m kind of not. But I am well-read so that needs to be taken into consideration. I probably wouldn’t hurt myself too badly if I did cross country skiing or maybe snow-shoeing. Then again…