How I Spent My Birthday

Yesterday was a day for the record books. First and foremost it was my birthday – which made it a good day. Scheduling, being what it is these days, also made it the day that I had to take the pig to the vet to get castrated. Totally weird day.

I had to make A LOT of calls to get this pig thing figured out. I started with my goat/llama vet but he said he didn’t do work on pot-bellied pigs and that I should call another vet and so on and so on. I finally called a vet’s office in Saline (they specialize in exotic animals – not that a pig is exotic exactly…) and they were willing to do it. I was VERY clear on the phone about the whole deal. I said “I have a pot-bellied pig, he’s a rescue, so I don’t know a lot about him and I need to get him fixed. He is NOT a small pig – probably about 75 pounds. Can you do this?”

No problem, they said. My beloved sister, Susan, offered to help me get him to the vet’s office that morning. Susan showed up at my house, (wearing make-up, mind you) and we began the process of moving the pig. As I said, he’s not a small pig. Still, I completely underestimated his size by quite a bit. Phineas, in the cage, on the scale topped out at 165 lbs. Sue and I struggled, tugged, lugged and pulled (and almost got llama spit on us) before we finally got the cage and the pig in the car. Whew.

It’s kind of strange to be driving down the road in a minivan, listening to the radio, talking with my sister and hearing a pig making "pig noises" in the back. Honestly, I just never knew that my life was headed in quite this direction. Halfway there, the pig had to attend to “business” and the smell was not to be believed. The minivan will be never be the same. Bless Sue’s little heart.

We arrived at the vet’s office and I went into the lobby to tell them that we were there. The lady looked and me and said, “Ok, here’s a leash, you can just bring him in.” Uh, not so much. “I’ll be right back,” I said.

So Sue and I dragged this giant cage with this big (and totally freaked out) pig in it into the main lobby. No one knew what to think. The staff got all flustered and said, “Oh, my. That is a BIG pig.” Yup, just like I told you on the phone...

They took Phineas to the back and put Sue and I in a consultation room. The vet, interestingly enough, mistook Sue and I to be “life partners” (which is strange because we look a LOT alike) and was talking to us as though Phineas was the child we never had. “We’ll take very good care of him, he’ll be just fine”. Yeah, whatever, how much is this going to cost?

Then the vet broke it to me that she didn’t think Phineas was a pot bellied pig at all. In fact, she said, he looks more like one of the feral pigs you find in Florida. Oh. I asked if she thought he might be just a regular farm pig (because then we could just eat him and be done with it) but she said no, that she thought he was some strange mix of a few different breeds. Just another misfit for the Nowak menagerie.

Once we got the pig dropped off Susan was kind enough to take me out to lunch for my birthday, so that was nice. I’ll be totally honest and tell you that I did indeed enjoy an alcoholic beverage during that lunch. Wouldn't you? Seriously, it had been quite a morning and it was already after 12:00 pm so I figured it was ok.

I called the vet’s office back around 2:30 and said, “Hi, this is Julie Nowak and I’m calling about my pig. I'm just wondering how he’s doing.” Of all the things I thought I’d never say…

All went well and he was ready to be discharged home. Poor little piggy. Once we got him into his enclosure at home he was just about the happiest pig I’d ever seen. The llama was pretty darn happy to have him home too because he takes his caretaker responsibilies very seriously.

So now Phineas is a changed pig and hopefully it’s a change for the better. We’re hopeful that we can train him to do tricks (while NOT biting us) and to be a little bit nicer overall. Of course, he’s still a little angry about the whole deal so we’ll have to give him some time to reflect on that. ..