She was "going out" with this boy for about three weeks. If you're not well versed in teenage vernacular, "going out" means snap chatting, texting and maybe seeing each other downtown, after school, at the Dairy Queen. Three weeks. I really need to emphasize the length of the relationship because it's important.
She then decided she didn't want to "go out" with him anymore and told him that. To his face. Kindly. Like a good human being. And here's what he did in return.
He threatened to kill himself. You think I'm kidding? You think I'm exaggerating? I'm not. He, straight up, said he would kill himself if she left him. He said he would jump off the bridge to end his life. My mind is reeling. Who does that? Can you even do that? What is happening here?
He was relentlessly "snap chatting" her about how sad he was and how he wanted to end his life. He sent her photos of himself on a very high bridge. He kept begging her to change her mind because he couldn't live without her.
Then, to make matters FAR worse, he (four hours later) made out with one of her "friends" in a basement somewhere. Emotional whiplash anyone? Yeah, me too.
Can we talk about this? Can we break this down? I'm extremely concerned, more so because this isn't the first time this has happened. Other break ups have left us with boys claiming they will harm themselves too.
What's going on here? Why are these boys doing this? Are there situations where such emotional terrorism/blackmail achieves the goal of getting the girl to stay? I can barely form words. These kids are 14 years old. Where did they learn that this was a healthy way to deal with things? Why can't my daughter see the wrongness of this? Why can't she see that this boy is somehow emotionally impaired or unstable and that it's not about her?
She is worried he will harm himself and everyone will blame her. I've told her that her only duty is to be kind to him and to be honest. I told her she should tell me if she believes his threat is real and I will notify his parents and/or the authorities. What do I tell her beyond that? What do I tell her in this day and age when young people (children) are dying of suicide at an alarming rate? How do I help her navigate this nightmare?
But wait. It gets worse. Her friend group then turned on her. The boy she broke up with is relatively new to the school system and the area. Her friends didn't really know him that well. But. When he was upset, crying and threatening suicide, they took his side. They were angry that my daughter would make him so sad. Did you hear that? That she would make him sad. NONE OF US HAS POWER LIKE THAT, LEAST OF ALL A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL. But her friends felt bad for him. So bad, in fact, that they chose to cast her out of the group because she made a conscious choice to end a relationship that wasn't working for her. She didn't text him to end it. She wasn't rude to him. She just didn't want to be with him anymore and was honest about that.
She was also deeply hurt that this "friend" of hers would kiss this boy just a few hours later. That makes sense to me. Am I crazy? I would be VERY upset if a boy, claiming to love me more than life itself, turned his attention to a willing participant who used to be a friend of mine, only hours later in a dark basement. What message does this send? First, the boy is lying. He doesn't like my daughter all that much or he wouldn't have done that. So she can just go ahead and start to doubt herself and her decision to trust him. Second, why would her friend willingly (and so quickly) jump into that abyss? Does she have no self respect at all? He's crying over another girl and you rush in to kiss him hoping to start a relationship with him? Really? REALLY?? That's the kind of dude you want? And that's the kind of story you want? Ew.
This terrifies me for the future. Why would they do that? Why would they blame her for making a healthy choice? Why wouldn't they support the decision of their friend? Where are we headed and how do we get off this ride?
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