Are we still fighting about the tree?

I was over at my Dad’s house the other day and noticed that the tree I had planted on my beloved horse’s grave was dead. I was devastated. I knew that Dad had tried to protect the tree from the other horses, who loved to chew the bark off, but it appeared he had lost the fight. Let me just say that the horse buried under that tree, Cocoa Puff, was the love of my life. My best friend and confidant from the time I was ten years old. Was I a little overly emotional? You could say that.

When I got home I explained the situation to Joe (he had helped me plant the original tree) and told him that I wanted to plant a weeping willow on our property in honor of “Puff”. He said, and I quote, “Those trees do really well in swamps.” WHHHAT? This simple conversation took a sudden turn and morphed into an ugly altercation with me leading the charge.

“Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you? Just stick my “stupid tree” off in the swamp somewhere so nobody can see it,” I fumed.

“Um, ok, where did you want to put it?” he said.

“I wanted to put it in the field where we will one day have a riding ring. It can be in the center of the ring so that we’ll have some shade while we’re watching the kids practice on their (currently imaginary) horses.” I said.

“I thought we were going to plant the pumpkins there,” he said.

Wrong answer. I WENT OFF. It went a little something like this… “You don’t even KNOW me at ALL!! How can you not know that, all my life, I’ve planned to have horses in the field and a riding ring and a barn? How can you NOT KNOW that? (At this point I paused for a breath and noticed his “deer in the headlights” stare which did nothing to slow me down.). So I want to plant a MEMORIAL tree for my BEST FRIEND (in the equine way) and YOU think that your stupid PUMPKINS are more important than that, don’t you? It’s just ALL ABOUT YOU, isn’t it? Why can’t you stop and think about someone else every once in a while? HUH? HUH?”

He took one careful step back and said, “Are we still fighting about the tree?”

No. We were not still fighting about the tree. To be fair, he never saw it coming and he didn’t stand a chance. I don’t get too riled up emotionally very often which might explain why it’s such a big deal when I do. It means I’ve been bottling up whatever I’m upset about for months and it’s going to take a while to get it all straight.

If I could offer some advice to the men out there it would be this. Pay attention every now and then. It doesn’t take a whole lot of time or effort to figure out why the person that you’ve chosen to spend your life with is freaking out. If he would’ve stepped forward and said, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry about Puff’s tree. We’ll plant a new one wherever you want,” the situation would have resolved on its own.

Granted, my wild flailing, gesturing, sarcasm and tears probably scared him a little and stepping in for a hug probably seemed risky and dangerous. Still, we women are unique and different creatures who have to be handled in very specific ways. There is an art to understanding your partner. Someone should offer classes….