Along Came a Spider

Last night I arrived home late after a dinner out with friends. My garage door is currently broken (it's always something) so I had to get into the house in a kind of circuitous way. Not through a window or anything just not as easy as walking in a door. (I would go through the front door but the key doesn't work anymore after Max snapped the OLD key off in the lock some years ago.) Yes, this is my life.

Suffice it to say, I was breaking my routine which, for me, is always a recipe for disaster. I grabbed my things out of the car and walked toward the garage door. What I neglected to notice was the ENORMOUS, almost PREHISTORIC sized spider web that ran from the basketball hoop to the ground beside my car.

I walked right into it. OMG. This web was HUGE. Not your average silky soft, dew-kissed web. This sucker was meant for catching small rodents, birds and low flying planes. And it was sticky. Oh to have been my neighbors at that exact moment.

It hit me full on in the face. My reaction was immediate and somewhat athletic (full cardio work out trying to get the damn thing off me).

"What the...EWWWWW...get it off! get it off!...sptht...sptht...Holy...Mary...Mother of....Spider! Where's the spider! Is it on me??? Is it on me????...OH MY GOD."

This was accompanied by LOTS of flailing, spinning, looking over my shoulder and frantically wiping off my arms. I dropped all of the stuff that I was carrying in my frenzy and I damn near knocked myself unconscious on the basketball hoop.

When I finally decided that the spider was not actually on me I calmed slightly. But only a little. Want to see a picture of this beast?? It's not for the faint of heart...