The Hamster

Have you ever kissed your husband goodbye while trying to get a hamster unwedged from his wheel? That’s pretty much how my day started today. Let’s begin with the hamster. I think I’ve spoken of him before – he’s the $10 hamster that I took in for a $48 vet visit. Don’t you start too – I’m getting flack from all sides. You tell me though, what you would do when your beautiful, sweet, little daughter comes to you with tears in her eyes and says, “There’s something wrong with “Butterscotch”.”

Let me clarify how “There’s something wrong with Butterscotch” was a gross understatement. “Butterscotch” has a tumor the size of a golf ball on his hindquarters. A golf ball – on a hamster!! When we presented ourselves to the vet she flipped him over and said, “Oh! Wow, that’s HUGE.” Very reassuring… The vet also listened to his heartbeat. With a stethoscope. Sit with that a minute. Can she really count that fast? Doesn’t it just sound like a drum roll? Anyway, I tried to lobby the vet to just put the hamster down (how much does THAT cost?) right then and there but she said, “Well, if he’s eating and drinking ok, there’s really no need”. So not helpful. I even discreetly said to her, with the kids in the room, “What are we looking at for a timeline here? Days, weeks, months?” She said to me, and I quote, “It should go pretty quickly”.

A month and half a later, the hamster still lives. My morning routine now incorporates walking past the cage to see if he’s still breathing. I feel bad for the little guy even though he is just a hamster. I certainly don’t want him to suffer, which he doesn’t seem to be doing, but really, how long will this go on? Joe suggested that we start feeding him veggies from the garden to see if we could reverse the growth of the tumor. A friend from work suggested giving him Tagamet – it works for her horse. Instead, I Googled “How to euthanize a hamster”. A word to the wise – don’t Google that. It’s a political hotbed.

Between caring for Butterscotch, rehabilitating a sick chicken and situating the new pot-bellied pig (Phineas), it’s no wonder I can’t get the laundry done. Now, about the pig… I know, I know, like we don’t have enough going on, right? Why take in a pig? Well, because it needed a home. And he’s pretty cute. I think he bit me the other day though, which is kind of bummer, but I can’t be sure because I’ve never been bit by a pig before. He might have just kind of put his mouth on my hand…

Anyway, they say that pigs are really intelligent. They jury’s still out on that in my book because all I’ve seen him do is eat and dump over every water bucket that I put out. The kids have decided that they’re going to train him to do dog tricks like “sit”, “lay down” and “speak”. If it keeps them out of my hair this summer, I totally support it. Anyone else looking for a pig?