Kentucky Trip - Pretty long post. Get a cup of coffee.

The kids and I recently went to Kentucky for a vacation. Specifically to Cave City, Kentucky. Cave City is a somewhat defunct place with lots of old roadside attractions. Many have closed down and fallen into disrepair. As a child, my family and I visited the Mammoth Cave area and I have very fond memories of it so I wanted my kids to have the same experience.

It was the first real (more than 3 hours from home) trip I've taken with the kids since the divorce and I was kind of nervous. I just wasn't sure how it would work out - me being the only adult and all. I told Aunt Sharon (my guide for all concerns around being a single mother) about my fears and she talked me down.

Sharon: "What are you afraid of?"

Me: "What if the car breaks down? What if my credit card gets shut off? What if I lose one of the
          kids in the cave?"

Sharon: "Then you ask for help and someone will provide it."

Me: "It can't be that simple. I'll be frantic and afraid."

Sharon: "If you saw a mom in trouble, saw that she needed help, would you step up and help?"

Me: "Of course I would."

Sharon: "There you have it. There are people like that all over the world. Take the trip."

And so I did. Were there moments when it was hard being the only adult? Yes. Was I afraid some of the time? Yes. But I did it anyway and it was GREAT.

We made it our mission to visit the tackiest, cheesiest and hoakiest roadside attractions we could find. Zoe had her heart set on visiting the wildlife zoo. Sounded good to me until I looked more closely. It was a TAXIDERMY zoo. Are you kidding me? ALL. IN. When we first walked in, the attendant was painting her nails. She seemed pretty surprised to see us and actually said, "Can I help you?"  I smiled and said "Three tickets to the zoo please" and she about fell off her chair. I think she was more prepared to give us directions to the nearest cave as opposed to actually showing us the zoo.  We joked and laughed our way through the place, commenting on all of the broken down, musty and moth eaten animals that have likely been there since the 1960's.

Look out kids! Wild Deer!! Oh....wait...

The other attraction Zoe insisted on seeing was Dinosaur World. Truly, a classic roadside attraction from yesteryear. Some guy decided to create a bunch of dinosaurs in his backyard and ask people to pay to come and see them. We were happy to hand over the admission fee. Once inside we began to roam the acreage to see all of the dinosaurs. They were HUGE and there were lots of them. Whole vignettes were set up of dinosaurs eating, hunting and protecting their young. We noticed pretty early on that the colors of the dinosaurs were a little suspect. Like purple spots and orange stripes kind of suspect. Then Max noticed the names weren't quite right. And when I say not quite right, I mean completely made up. The creator basically put a name/word before "saurus" and called it a dinosaur. Like Beckysaurus (wife's name?) Loved it.

Max looking highly skeptical about the existence

of this dinosaur. The Maxosaurus.

Zoe also really wanted to go ziplining. This had been of particular concern to me since she initially mentioned it in the early planning stages of the trip. I decided I was going to be fearless and free and try everything the kids wanted me to try. But I was concerned. My weight has held me back from many things (that's a topic for another blog) and I was worried I wouldn't be allowed to do it based on my size. Zoe and I went to the zip line park to check it out. We got in line and, before I knew it, I was buying tickets to not only zip line but to ride some crazy ass sled (luge?) down the side of the mountain. The line was long but, when it was my turn, I leaned in to the window and asked the lady, as quietly as possible, "I'm a little on the chubby side. Is that going to be a problem?" She stood up and looked out the window - gave me the up and down once over and said, "you'll be fine."

I was so relieved. We walked into the store and they immediately began getting us into harnesses and helmets. I was horrified. This cute 20 something guy was trying to wrangle my uncooperative body into a too small harness. I kept apologizing and wiggling, trying to help with the process but we were both pretty sweaty by the time it was done. Zoe and I took the chair lift up the mountain and prepared for our descent. It's pretty damn scary, I have to tell you, when you're hanging from a wire about to be sent down the side of a mountain with only a harness between you and certain death. To say the safety regulations in Kentucky are a little loose would be putting it mildly. Nonetheless, when they pushed me, I soared. Zoe and I were on side by side lines so we could see each other all the way down. All was well and right with the world. I was flying! My baby girl was laughing beside me! The wind in my face and the forest below!

You're supposed to be looking at the guy at the landing station to see what signals he's giving you before you come in. I looked up to see the tiniest little 20 something dude ever preparing to "catch me". Seriously? They pick this guy for me? He was frantically signalling me to hit the brakes which I was frantically trying to do. It worked a little but I was still coming in pretty fast. I had visions of me hitting him like a bowling ball hits a bowling pin. Seeing him fly through the air - ass over apple cart - saying "Whhhhhhhyyyyyy". But it didn't happen. He actually caught me. I thanked him profusely, legs shaking as I exited the platform.

Zoe coming in like a BOSS. Probably helped

that the CUTE 20 something was waiting

to catch her.

We went back into the store to remove our gear. I was all set to unhook everything and step out of it but that wasn't to be. Another 20 something boy grabbed my harness and started tugging. (Are there no women in the zip lining business anywhere, for God's sake!!) So he started pulling the harness down but I could feel my pants going down right along with it. Moments away from full exposure I grabbed hold of the harness and started pulling up - against him. He looked at me in total confusion and we both stopped pulling. I leaned in closer to him and said, "It seems as if I'm having a problem removing the harness. Perhaps you have a more private area where I could resolve the issue?" He blinked twice. "Uh, ok. Sure. You can go in there." I followed his direction into the next room where I promptly dropped the harness along with my pants. Thankful for no witnesses, I pulled my pants up and strolled out of the room, handing the kid my harness.

We also ended up at a pretty odd haunted house which Zoe, wisely, refused to enter. She told me, "Those guys are sketchy A.F."  I wish I had been as smart. It is purported to be the oldest haunted house in the country. It was very scary but more in the sense that we could be in real danger of falling through the floor as opposed to "ha ha, that's scary when something jumps out at you" kind of scary. I had my eyes closed through most of it. Still, a total delight in the way of old roadside attractions.

I later found out that there's a whole thing happening with the place (www.funtownmountain.com) which had been abandoned for years. I guess a young entrepreneur bought the place and was going to revitalize it. Never happened. Too bad. Sad to see it in such disrepair. Cave City in general appears to be dying but it really is a place that should be saved. It's a piece of history that will soon be lost completely if something doesn't happen. It's silly and touristy and straight out of my childhood memories. And probably yours too. Maybe you should plan a visit down there. I think you can still rent a wigwam to stay in. And when you walk into the old country store you'll get the same greeting that everyone else gets.

Store owner: "Where you from?"

Me: "Michigan"

Store owner: "That's all right, you can come in anyway."