Break In

It's happened again - my house has been broken into. This is not your usual "smash and grab", it's more of a "clean and repair". I remember the first time it happened a few months ago. I came home, tired, dejected and sad. Something in the house just felt different. I walked around a little bit trying to discern what it could be and then it hit me "This house has been cleaned". Not in the creepy-old-lady-in-Poltergeist cleaned but actually picked up, vacuumed, dusted and wiped down. I remember walking by my bed and thinking "I don't remember making my bed this morning" but I had been in such a fog that I couldn't remember much of anything.

And so it's been happening for the last few months. I'll come home to find mysterious things. A gift card to the grocery store on the counter, a new wheelbarrow on the front porch, a security door installed, vacuum marks on the carpet.  Sometimes I can figure out who was responsible but most times everyone just smiles and shrugs their shoulders.

To think how I would manage without these break-ins is unthinkable. The way it lifts my mood and spirits cannot be overstated. It restores my faith in humanity and gives me the strength to go on.

I got a call yesterday from one of these scoundrels and she said, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?" I've been in sort of a dark place lately, obviously, so I said "Bad News". 

"I got bleach spots on one of your bathroom rugs".

"And the good news?" I asked.

"Your shower has been scrubbed with bleach." 

I still don't see the bad news in that scenario.    

Letting Go

Tonight is about letting go. Letting go of the pain, of the heartache, of the misery. Letting go of those who have mislead me, whether intentional or not. I choose not to carry the pain anymore. I choose to live life as I was destined to live it. Not as a portion of someone else but as my own true self. I harbor no anger this evening. I have only love and I focus on letting go of that which has kept me from who I am supposed to be. I put love into the universe and I receive it back tenfold. I am surrounded by love and support that I never could have imagined existed and I am grateful. Grateful for those who have seen my pain and stepped into it with me instead of running away. Grateful for those who have picked me up when I've fallen and felt that I couldn't possibly rise again. They have shown me who I am and who I am destined to be. They have told me of a great future of love and forgiveness and freedom that I didn't know existed. And I believe them. With all my heart.

You put the lawnmower WHERE?

Ah the first week of summer vacation and the kids are already bored. Short of renting a daily magician, arts and crafts leader and swimming instructor, not sure what they were expecting. Today is just another Wednesday for me. At work. As per usual.

Got a call from Max a few minutes ago that, oddly, went right to voicemail. (these kids are so tech savvy). The voicemail went a little something like this:

"Mom, we have a problem. I was mowing the hill by the tree fort when I remembered that the brakes weren't working on the mower and the mower ended up in the swamp. I tried everything but can't get it out and now it's stuck and all covered in mud. Call me."

Not even sure where to start with the list of rules that were broken in this most recent incident. Rule number 1: No power tool use while I am not there to supervise (he claims that he didn't remember that one). Rule number 2: Don't mow that hill because it's too steep for the lawnmower. Rule number 3: The brakes don't work on the damn mower!!

So now, when I get home from work, I will have to come up with some sort of plan to extract said mower from the swamp. It will be mucky and stinky and he may have broken it completely. Add it to the damn list. It terrifies me sometimes to think of what is going through his mind in the midst of these "incidents".  For instance, is there an "Oh sh*t" moment or does that only occur after the fact? I really am curious.

When you're headed down a steep hill towards a swamp and the lawnmower you're riding has no brakes, what are you actually thinking will be the outcome?

Reminds me of one of my favorite sayings:

"When the lights are flashing and the gates are down and the siren's screaming out in the rain. And you're standing on the tracks and you're looking at the facts, you can't blame the wreck on the train."

A Certain Kind of Hell

Life is not exactly good right now. In fact, it feels more like a series of bad dreams and tests designed to try and kill me. I wander through my days in a constant fog and I cry through my nights. I don't know what I need or when I need it but those who love me always do and they always come through for me. Always. Without them I would be nothing.